On a lawnmower I had was a big label which read:
"WARNING WHEN MOTOR IS RUNNING- THE BLADE IS TURNING!"

We once bought a grocery store pizza and the instruction were on the bottom, so we turned it upside down to see how long to cook it etc., and low and behold the first instruction was DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN!

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice

My bathroom has inadequate ventilation and therefore, develops mold spots in the lower corners. I attempted to purchase a cleaner specifically designed to remove bathroom mold deposits. The directions on the product label stated, "Only use in well ventilated areas."

Seen on the bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle: "Do not open here."

On a bottle of spray paint: "Do not spray in your face."

On a bottle of bathtub cleaner: For best results, start with clean bathtub before use.

On a container of lighter fluid: WARNING: Contents flammable!

On a bottle of hand lotion: Warning: Starts healing skin on contact.

On a box of household nails: CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!

Microwave popcorn is packaged so that the directions cannot be read unless you open the plastic and unfold it. Direction #1 is Remove plastic.

On a television commercial that says it cleans dentures 4 times better. Below in small print it said "Lab test: (their product) vs. water.

On a television commercial I saw it said they their denture paste was better than any other. BELOW IT, it said in small letters, vs. using no adhesive.

I have a full-face motorcycle helmet with a giant arrow pointing to the front. I can only guess that some idiot put the helmet on backwards, jumped on a bike and hurt himself. This is to protect to manufacturer from future lawsuits.

One day I went to a wall-mart out of state and I went to buy a blow dryer when I read the warnings it said "DO NOT BLOW DRY IN SLEEP"

Seen on the back of a drink bottle label: "Do not peel label off."

On a Band-Aid box: "For serious injuries, seek medical attention."

On a can of powdered infant formula: "Mix with water before serving." Like I'm going to spoon it to my baby dry!

This stupid label was found on a can of Woolite carpet cleaner: "Safe for carpets, too!"

This label was found on the BOTTOM of a box of glass ornaments: "Do not turn upside down."

On a box of Frosted Cheerio's, the logo, "Tastes so good this box never closes," is located just underneath another announcement: "To close: place tab here."

On a plastic orange juice can: "100% pure all-natural fresh-squeezed orange juice from concentrate."

I once saw an ad for some type of contest on a candy bar. The wrapper said "No purchase necessary - Details Inside."

Directions for eating Lunchables Nachos: Dip chips in cheese and salsa.

The golf carts on the course I worked at have warning labels saying, "Not for highway use."

On Clorox Fresh Care: (for cleaning out odors from fabric) "Safe to use in households with pets Warning: Fresh Care is NOT intended to be sprayed directly on pets."

While working at a large medical center in the Midwest, a construction worker was admitted with a large hammer sticking out of his head. Seems he was in an altercation with another gentleman. On the side of the hammer were the words, 'Use protective eyewear.'

On the back of the Pilots seat on NATO AWAC Aircraft (E-3A), is a sign that states: "Seat must be facing forward for take off and landing."

I came upon a bottle of children's cough medicine stating "Caution: May cause drowsiness; do not drive or operate heavy machinery"

On the label of Sterno is a warning that says, "Do not use near fire or flame." Check it out!

Seen on a container of salt:
Warning: High in sodium

Seen on computer instructions: Visit our site for further instructions. http://www.pc.com/pc/instructions.htm

On a hose nozzle there was a warning that said: "Do not spray into electrical outlet."

Seen on an industrial size washer in our local laundry establishment was the (large lettered) sign: "Warning:  Do not put any person in this washer."

There is also a stroller on the market with the warning, "Remove child before folding."

I saw a car ad depicting cars driving in the water with fins like sharks. At the end of the ad in small letters it read: "Caution, do not drive underwater"

STUPID SIGNS:

Sign in downtown Detroit on the Fisher building door: "Caution: Automatic Door  (push to operate)"

Just outside Houston there are two signs about five feet apart:

In Rice Lake, WI is a billboard on the side of a local road advertising for "The Butcher Shop". Right behind the sign...a graveyard.

Driving down the road, I noticed some scribblings on the dirty flatbed truck in front of me. Someone had drawn three arrows, Right, left, and down. The right arrow was pointing at the ditch on the side of the road, and read "El-crasho". The down arrow was pointed at the trucks bumper, and read "El-stopo". The left arrow was pointed at the oncoming lane, and read "el-passo". I had coffee coming out of my nose.

I was driving by a pet shop when I noticed a sign saying, 'All birds going cheap.'

I was driving in the bay area and saw a sign for Continuum Street. Right above it there was a sign indicating the end of the street!!! It looked like this:

On a highway in New York, "Caution, state correctional facility ahead, do not pick up hitchhikers."

I saw a sign yesterday that read "No Outlet", right under it was a tiny sign that said "one block ahead."

A sign outside a furniture store in northern Virginia states (in large letters)
"ANTIQUE Tables Made Here Daily."

On a trip to London, we visited a museum which had special facilities for disabled visitors. Many exhibits had small brass plates with Braille writing (you know, with raised dots so blind people can 'feel' the words). The translation underneath said, "PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH THIS EXHIBIT."

We were driving and saw a sign that said, "Loose 30 pounds in 1 month." Under the sign there was another sign that had the McDonalds arch with an arrow pointing to the way to McDonalds.

In a small town in North Carolina there is a junk yard that has a huge sign on the front of the building that says, "Drive Reckless! It Helps Business!"

For the Stupid signs section: I have repeatedly seen the same banner on bus stop benches all over Sacramento, California. They read simply, "Learn to Read. Call xxx-xxxx"

Billboard I saw on a hill down south: Tattoos done while you wait!

A local jewelry store in my town has a marquee out front that says, "We buy old boyfriends jewelry!"

A sign on the back shield of a car: DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT OR SHOULD I DRIVE BY AGAIN?

On the dirty back window of a Computer company van, some funny person had written with their finger in the dust www.washme.com.au.

Stupid Signs: I was driving by a KFC and on their marquee it said: "Now Hiring: 2 Chickens for $5.99."

I used to work at a residence for developmentally disabled adults called "Opengate."There was a sign on their gate that read: "Gate must remain closed at all times."

While driving through a small town I noticed a sign that said, "FOR SALE: BUY OWNER"

When I lived on California, one day I was driving down a mountainous road in the desert. I came across a sign that said, "Watch For Trocks." I don't know it it meant "trucks" or "rocks in the road." Ha! Maybe it meant "trucks hauling rocks". Anyway, it was one of the funniest signs I ever saw.

On the way to my sisters house in a small Minnesota town is a building with a big sign on the front door that says "STRIP-N-SHOP." It makes me laugh out loud every time I drive by. Turns out it is a furniture refinishing business.

As I was driving down the Strip in Las Vegas I noticed a sign on a small run-down motel:
"This motel highly recommended by owner."

There is a road sign near Cape Cod, Massachusetts that declares:
"CAUTION - WATER ON ROAD DURING RAIN"

On a sign at an Indiana college: "Keep Door Close."

In a small town next to where I live, there is a Presbyterian Church with a sign that reads,: "Come join us for Sun. worship!"

I saw a sign in Kansas just off the highway that read: "WHAM for kids, a child abuse foundation."

Here's a sign my friends and I get a kick out of: Sign from a clothing store, "Kids CHEAP!"

Rounding the drive-thru at a local fast food place I noticed a sign on the wooden gates around the dumpsters. It read: "OPENS FROM INSIDE"

There is a mini-mall in San Jose CA. It has a small pharmacy and a seamstress shop located in the mall. The sign out front says: "Lee's Drugs -- Unlimited Alterations"

In the sporting goods department of the Wal-Mart I work at there is a display with a back to school sign. Under the sign are boxes of rifle shells.

On the front of a catholic elementary school
Jesus is coming!
No bingo Sunday

At the entrance to a small community is a sign that says: Private Property
No Trespassing
No Exit

There is a sign at a small country cemetery near my home that is a little slanted and pointing down toward the ground and it says "ONE WAY."

In Ocean Springs, MS, there is a sign that reads "speed limit 25mph unless otherwise posted." Right below it, another sign reads, "Speed limit 30 mph."

Sign: "Fire wood for sale to go."

While on a vacation in Maine, we visited a water park. To help people who didn't want to stay wet, there was a sign pointing to the changing areas. Right below that sign, which pointed left, there was another one for a viewing area, which -- you guessed it, also pointed left. I wonder who the genius was who designed the park?

This was seen several years ago, also from the Atlanta Vasectomy Clinic, and was in reference to the Atlanta Braves baseball team... "Atlanta Vasectomy Clinic, Atlanta's best Chop Shop!"